It’s kind of crazy how the world we live in today has changed when we compare it to the world we used to live in 10 or 15 years ago. I have very vivid memories of being a child and not having a computer in my home, no one having a cell phone, and of course no internet. My friend who lived across the street from me had a computer and even had the internet, but it was connected through dial-up where it seemed to take 5 minutes just to dial in to the internet then at least another 5 minutes to download a page. Nowadays we have wireless high speed internet that can download a webpage in a blink of an eye while kids these days have no idea what dial-up even means. I can also remember that when I was a kid and I wanted to hang out with my friends I had to either physically go to their house and knock on the door or I had to go to my own home, pick up the chorded phone and dial up my friends and actually talk to them, but now kids simply just text each other and can do so from anywhere. These advances in technology have drastically changed the way we now communicate with each other especially with the use of social networks such as Facebook, YouTube, or Twitter. Looking back at how we lived and communicated with each other back then it amazes me how far these social media sites have come and how many of us use them, in fact, 71 percent of Americans have a Facebook account (“Facebook Statistics…”), but how much do we use them? Too much. Now I won’t be a hypocrite and say I don’t like to use Facebook or watch videos on YouTube every now and then, but it seems that we are beginning to spend more time talking to our friends that live five minutes away or neighbors via the internet than we do actually talking to them which can deprive us of the quality of relationships that we have with them. I mean, staying in touch with someone who lives a great distance away from us is one thing, but when our main way of communicating with people that live right around the corner it takes away from certain experiences we could have with them. We just don’t have the same, complete experience. It’s more personal to actually be with someone. We can see, touch, or even smell (hopefully not) them, but behind a computer screen we can’t. So, if we’re not actually talking and socializing ourselves with others because of social media, then has social media actually made us less social? Yes. While I believe we have become a less social society, my hope is not to bring down social media sites because I believe much good does come from them, but I do hope that we can take a step back and look at how it has changed us and that we can reevaluate ourselves about how much time we spend on such sites and instead physically involve ourselves in events and other people’s lives by pondering on how our relationships with our family and friends could change by making them more personal.
Social Media is Great, but Does it Isolate Us?
Through social networking, people can stay connected from all around the world which is an amazing thing. People can stay in touch with old high school classmates, relatives, and, well, even their next door neighbor. For example, I lived in Peru for two years as a missionary and I came to know and become friends with many people there, but once the time came for me to return home I felt sad because I probably wouldn’t see any of them again, but thanks to Facebook I have been able to stay in touch with many of those people. So instead of me having to spend a fortune on long-distance calls, I can communicate with them for free. But sometimes we talk to our friends that live close by only through social networks and that is precisely the problem because we tend to seclude ourselves from others by spending countless hours on the computer. Who hasn’t had an experience when in a group with friends or family someone seems isolated because they are glued to their phone or on the computer?
Are We Now Less Human?
While being on Facebook for frequent, extended periods of time can isolate someone, we can still get to know a lot about someone by looking at their Facebook page. We can know their interests, where they work, where they go to school, etc. but we really wouldn’t know them, but it’s still amazing how it keeps us connected as it is now one of the top ways people stay up to date on today’s issues. We use it as a way to express our opinions and let our voices be heard and we even use it to let others know of special events that may be happening, so clearly there are many good things that come from it, but we just may be using it too much and not actually getting to know others. Commenting on someone’s picture or video is not getting to know someone. I have no problem with using it to stay up to date on important things that may be happening in the world, but I believe it many ways it dehumanizes us because it does not allow us to personally talk to someone, but instead electronically communicate. Recently, I had a very good family friend that was diagnosed with breast cancer and she had posted updates on Facebook about her surgeries and chemotherapy treatments and I saw many posts on Facebook describe how badly those people felt for her and wished her the best. A few days later our family brought dinner to their home and we had the opportunity to talk to her and she told us of how bad she felt not because of her cancer, but because so few people had come to visit her in her time of need. Those people who posted on her Facebook felt that that was sufficient enough. This is what I mean about dehumanizing us. I think often people feel that reaching out to someone via social network sites is the same as them being there by their side, but it absolutely is not because, for instance, if someone is having a very trying time in their life it would not be the same or as comforting to have a message posted Facebook in support of that person as it would if that friend actually went over to their house, gave them a hug, sat down and had a conversation with them. This makes me recall an event that happened in my family a couple of years ago. My Dad had a really good friend who was having a failing marriage and his wife had been cheating on him and eventually left him and her kids to go off with another man. This devastated my Dad’s friend and one day he told my Dad he was going to commit suicide so my Dad went over to his house and spent hours talking to him and eventually talked him out of it. What would have happened if my Dad had just said sorry for what had been going on in a text message and left him alone? While this is an extreme case, it still applies to even the smallest cases because even chatting with your buddy on Facebook is not remotely the same as actually sitting next to them holding a conversation. It’s like having a robot pet or something. There’s not any emotional attachment because we are essentially talking to a computer screen pretending it to be someone.
We Have Less "Complete Experiences"
It seems to be a bit of an oxymoron for me to say we are less social through social networking, but I am not alone. Dr. Brian Harke from the University of Southern California says that social networks have a way of cheating us out of complete experiences. He tells a story of a student who was at a dinner party with various professors from the university and even prominent business men, but instead of making a good impression in front of these people, this student began texting at the table, updating his Facebook status, checking his emails, and tweeting about what he was having for dinner instead of engaging himself in a meaningful conversation with his superiors. Harke says that this student may have been there physically, but he wasn’t “present” because he was mentally in a cyber-world. Harke went on to say:In short, he wasn't present. Since he wasn't present and was not aware of his impact, he didn't recognize that he was being rude. He wasn't aware enough to see that he was making a bad impression and being disrespectful. I'm sure it never occurred to him………….as a result, he missed out on good conversation and more importantly, the opportunity to make a good impression on instructors and business professionals. (Harke)
Social networking can distract us from what’s really around us and can deprive us of personal interaction. My little brother is a prime example of this. My brother has never had a job that has required him to work more than five hours a week. He is now nineteen years old and is more than a year removed from high school and does not attend college. So what does he do with his time? He spends it all on the computer playing online games and on Facebook. When he is playing his games it is nearly impossible to get him to talk to you or come and eat dinner with the family. The minute he gets up in the morning he’s on the computer and stays there until the early morning hours when he goes to bed. He hardly ever leaves the house to do anything and when his friends come over to our house the only thing they do is play video games together. So, in my eyes, he is completely isolating himself from the world caused by an addiction to the computer. My other siblings and I like to be on the computer every once in a while too, but we have lives. We work, we go to school, and we do things with friends. I love my brother very much, but he has become so unsocial because of this that it scares me. My brother is not alone either. Countless people spend way too much time with computer games and social networking sites, isolating themselves and essentially do nothing valuable with their lives. So when people tell me social media doesn’t make us less social I get extremely frustrated just by thinking of what’s happened to my brother, but Rachel Stoll from Social Media World says that we are merely reorganizing the way we meet people when we use social media and also answers the question if social media is making us less social:
… no: social media is not making us less social. Online gaming didn’t make us less social. Forums didn’t make us less social. The invention of books didn’t make us less social. We are just learning how to better find the information and people we are looking for and when we find those people we still want to meet them in real life. (Stoll)
I couldn’t disagree with her more. I wholeheartedly believe online gaming has indeed made us less social and forums can do the same. But here comparing social media to books, to me, is almost comical. Books do not “connect” us to anything as social media does. And she also later says, “Some people will always feel more comfortable behind a computer screen, but those people aren’t becoming less social they just exist within their comfort zone” (Stoll), clearly there is a comfort zone for people behind the computer screen (otherwise, why would people spend hours on the computer?), I believe it does in fact take us away from interacting with others. For example, I find that I am most “comfortable” lying in bed, but if I spent the majority of my time in bed and never left the house, would I be able to make the argument that I am not less social, but I was just existing in my comfort zone? I think not. The fact of the matter is that the more time we spend entranced behind a computer screen, the less time we have to actually form real relationships with people. Some people I have talked to say they have made great friends through Facebook, but what kind of a bond do they really have with those people? Could a mother develop a strong bond with her child without ever holding it? In fact according to the National School Boards Association, only about .08 percent of kids have actually met a friend that they encountered via social networks (National School Boards Association, Creating and Connecting). Additionally, if you meet a friend through Facebook you never really know who the person is. There have been a countless number of scams that have happened to people by people who lie about who they really are. Some adults pose as children and vice versa. This has even happened to me. Once I sold an item on eBay and the buyer sent me an email that said he was out of the country in Nigeria, but needed the item and would pay extra to have me ship it there. Thankfully I wasn’t that stupid. I had heard about Nigerian scams and didn’t fall for this imposter’s tricks. My point being, we don’t really know who we’re talking to out there whereas if we met and talked to people the old fashioned way, we would know exactly who they are, but we are too unsocial to do so.
It's Not Just Me
I recently had the opportunity to talk to Tim Simmons, a fellow college student at Dixie State College, about if he believes social networks have made us less social. He said:
Yeah, I think so. I mean people don’t really get out as much. A lot of times we just go hang out on the computer and watch videos on YouTube or whatever. I mean, I don’t think we’re completely anti-social, but I think a lot of my friends do spend more time talking on Facebook than they do on the phone or anything. (“Is Social Media…”)
It’s exactly what some recent statistics have shown about Facebook. It says that 57 percent of people talk to each other more online than they do in real life (Facebook Statistics, Stats, and Facts for 2011). But sometimes these cases can go to the extreme. One CNN article gave one account of a mother that was extremely addicted to the use of Facebook. It tells about a mother who would check her Facebook page at least ten times per day and about twenty hours per week and she says it would even interfere with her responsibilities as a mother. The article says:
One day recently, Cynthia Newton's 12-year-old daughter asked her for help with homework, but Newton didn't want to help her, because she was too busy on Facebook. So her daughter went upstairs to her room and sent an e-mail asking her for help, but Newton didn't see the e-mail, because, well, she was too busy on Facebook. (Cohen)
Clearly there are some issues there if she couldn’t turn away from the computer to spend some time with her own daughter , but does everyone have issues with social media? No, of course not. Not everyone has such extreme cases as this, but everyone is not guiltless of never having become less social because a form of social media. If anyone has checked a text while with someone, they have isolated themselves from others. If anyone has checked their Twitter account on their phone while at dinner, they have exiled themselves. There are countless examples of how we can exile ourselves from others because of social media, thus making us less social, but what can we do about it in today’s world? Well, to be quite honest, not a whole lot unless we are willing to make some serious changes and sacrifices to our lives. We all are affected by social media so we should all make a concerted effort not to stop social media, but to relax a bit, get out and do things, and disconnect from the world.
Social Media Can Change How We Act and Treat Others
Social media can also in a way make us less civilized. If you’ve ever read a comments post on a YouTube video you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. I have seen some of the rudest most inappropriate comments in my life posted on YouTube and I’ve often wondered to myself if that is really how these people talk to others that they don’t know or have just recently met. A few weeks ago I saw a video of a kid do simple little kickflip on a skateboard which would be nothing to a professional skateboarder, but is pretty good for an amateur, but some of the comments were so rude I couldn’t believe myself. They all criticized him for how bad of a kickflip he did and once again I wondered to myself, if these people saw this kid do that in real life in the park, would they go up to him and tell him how bad he sucks? I think that because people are behind a computer screen they can pretend to be someone they’re not and this often leads them to being entirely rude or uncivilized.
Once again, social media is not all bad. But too many people have become fixated by it. If we could all just spend a little more time actually doing things with our friends and family it would change the world dramatically. It could even hypothetically change the economy because people would be out socializing, going out to dinner, movies, sporting events, etc. while developing better, longer lasting relationships with those around them. I do not wish for the pre-Facebook days, but I do wish that people would become more social and get out and do things. 